EPISODE: Meena

Reviewed by Sue W.

Episode 342, Season 11, Aired November 16, 1969

Special guest stars:

Ann Prentiss as Wilhelmina ("Meena") Calhoun

Dub Taylor as Luke Calhoun

Victor French as Jesse

Featuring:

Robert Donner as Owen

George Morgan as Virg

Stu Nisbett as Charlie (the storekeeper)

Written by: Jack B. Sowards

Directed by: Herschel Daugherty

SUMMARY:

Hoss, Joe, and Candy are fixing to leave dull Lynchville when Joe spots pretty Wilhelmina (Meena) Calhoun picking up supplies.  He excuses himself and ambles over, followed by Candy.  Our first hint that our swaggering boys have met their match comes when Joe introduces himself:

Joe: "Hi, I'm Joe Cartwright." 

Meena: "Why?"

Joe (stammers): "Why what?"

Meena: "Why are you telling ME?"

Candy doesn't have much better luck with her.  After she departs, Candy has a proposition for Joe: "I'll bet you a bottle of sarsaparilla and a bucket of snow to cool it that I get a date with her before you do."

We have learned from the storekeeper that Meena and her father live out at their gold mine, but no one knows where it is. She comes to town only once every few months. Observing from across the street are brothers Jesse, Owen, and Virg, wannabe outlaws who have plans to track Meena and discover the location of the gold mine. Owen boasts, "I can track a blue bird across an empty sky." But Jesse, leader of the group, points out, "How come the last place we was fired, the foreman said you couldn't find a stray if it was settin' in your lap?"

And thus our story is set up. The opening credits roll.

Joe and Candy split up outside of town, and Joe follows Meena's wagon tracks, only to end up finding her hired decoy.  Joe winds up being captured by our bumbling outlaws, who have also lost Meena's trail. They recognize him as one of "them Cartwrights" and figure he's as good a find as the gold mine.  As they discuss how to collect ransom for him, Joe slips away. Giving chase, the outlaws end up shooting at each other instead of their prey, enabling Joe to get further away.

Joe wanders in the desert until - oh joy - he happens upon Meena and her wagon. She completely ignores him at first, leaving him in the dirt - literally - but finally does stop and lets him climb in the back.

The outlaws finally give up looking for Joe -- Jesse gazes at the empty landscape and wonders how Owen "could lose a full size man out in this nothing". At one point dumb but likeable Virg makes the wise observation that "This outlawin' is harder work than working." They decide they don't need Joe anyway. They release his horse and head towards Virginia City to drop off his gunbelt with a ransom note.  However, with Owen guiding them, we can be fairly certain they're headed in the wrong direction.

Joe and Meena arrive at the Calhoun cabin, and we meet her cantankerous father, Luke, who is even more frustrating to hold a conversation with than Meena. The Calhouns have a way of taking everything Joe says very literally, then turning his words against him. Worse yet, everything the Calhouns say is totally and utterly logical.

Luke grouses about Joe being there, but refuses to lend Joe a horse and canteen to leave. Their hilarious conversation ends with Luke telling Joe he can leave whenever he wants to.  Joe: "How long do you think I'm gonna last out in the desert without a horse?" Luke: "How do I know? Maybe 3 or 4 hours."  Joe doesn't get any further with Meena, so tries again with Luke with no luck. The exasperated Joe complains, "I know I'm right, but you make me feel like I'm wrong."

We (and Luke) had earlier noticed Meena watching Joe thoughtfully as he was unpacking the wagon.  Now Meena, all gussied up in a dress (and out of those tight 1960's jeans), has set an immaculate table complete with two elaborate candelabras. Joe is impressed, but Luke grumbles about wasting candles and finds fault with everything Joe says. Meena leaves in disgust, followed by Joe. 

Joe joins Meena outside and makes a pleasant comment about the desert at this time of day, to which Meena breaks any spell about to begin by matter-of-factly adding, "That's when the bugs come out" and goes on from there.  But the conversation recovers as Joe tells her he'd be camped on her doorstep if she lived in Virginia City.  He continues by describing how they'd sit on the porch, go for a buggy ride, go on a picnic on Sundays, etc.  It's typical Joe on the make - and the conversation eventually leads to a kiss.  But next thing Joe knows, Meena has decided they're in love and getting married.  Once again, everything Joe says is twisted around.  A little sample:

Meena: "Would you kiss a girl you weren't going to marry?"

Joe: "No, well, yes, I might, just to see what it was like."

Meena: "Don't you know what it is like?"

Joe: "I know what it's like, but it's a little different with every girl."

Meena (not a question): "And you kissed someone you like better than me."

Joe: "I didn't say that."

Meena: "Well, just what were you saying?"

Joe (stutters, then): "I'm saying I don't want to get married."

Meena: "To me."

Joe: "To anybody!"

Meena: "Then all you were doing was leading me on. Everything you said was a lie."

And so on.  Poor Joe.

Having been asked by Meena to assist in convincing Joe to marry her, Luke offers Joe a share in the mine.  Joe refuses, but Luke is unconcerned, saying, to Joe's chagrin, "In six months or so it'll all work out."  Outside with Meena, Joe once again talks himself into a trap. Meena finally asks, "Don't you ever want to get married?"  Joe responds, "Sure I do", then immediately starts correcting himself.  She ignores him and declares, "I'll wait," and leaves.

In an earlier scene, Ben and Hoss were at home wondering what had become of Joe and Candy, and had decided to go looking for them. Now they are in Lynchville and learn that the pair was in pursuit of a girl.  Ben is satisfied Joe and Candy can handle things themselves. Dear Hoss just keeps saying he didn't see any girl.

We see that both Candy and the outlaws are still wandering around in the desert. Candy stumbles upon the cabin first.  Joe stops Meena from shooting Candy, then runs up to greet him. Candy concedes that Joe won the bet, but Joe says he's not doing too well and could use some pointers. Candy happily marches down the hill to Meena.  Joe gives that famous 'snookered 'em' wink, then grabs Candy's horse and lights out. No matter; Meena is just as happy with Candy.  Luke looks the puzzled Candy over and proclaims, "Yeah, I guess he's fair trade."

Inside the cabin, Candy and Meena have a conversation suspiciously similar to the one Meena had previously with Joe.  With just a little prodding from Meena, Candy describes the same courtship routine of camping on her doorstep, going on buggy rides and picnics, etc. After they kiss, Meena declares, "then we fall in love and get married." Candy is still not totally wise to the situation and merely replies, "Maybe, in time" as Meena leaves him to fetch some water.

Meena is grabbed by the outlaws outside, who demand Luke's gold in exchange for Meena.  While waiting for Jesse to collect the gold, Meena and Virg get to talking. (When she asks if they're really outlaws, Virg explains, "We're kinda working toward it.")

The switch of girl and gold made, our outlaws go to their horses, where Jesse discovers that Virg had taken his order to tie the horses too literally - the reins for all 3 horses are all knotted up together.  As they are untangling everything, Joe gets the drop on them.

Inside, with the outlaws tied up, Meena starts the same conversation with Virg about camping on her doorstop, etc., only this time it's Meena describing the buggy trips and picnics and guileless Virg simply agreeing with what she says. 

Joe and Candy awaken in the morning just in time to stop Jesse and Owen from 'escaping', only to find out they were going for a preacher. Luke begins explaining the situation to them, admitting that Virg wasn't his first choice.  "You two boys are fine upstanding citizens. Now if you could see some way where you could change your minds, one of ya…" But the sound of a horse's neigh stops him mid-sentence and everyone turns to look out the door.  Riding double on Candy's horse, our boys are galloping off as fast as they can.

REVIEWS:

"The fun of this episode is in the clever dialogue and a fantastic cast to deliver it. Ann Prentiss is perfect as Meena, Dub Taylor is a riot, and the outlaw parts are played to the hilt. Not only are the outlaws fun to watch but they're pretty harmless so we can't help but like them." Sue W. 

"Meena is one of my favorite Adam-absent features.  I agree that Ann Prentiss and Dub Taylor were excellent!  Michael was adorable, too.  This episode was very funny and it was fun to see Candy and Little Joe get the tables turned on them at first.  The outlaws (were they all brothers?) were funny too.  A good episode!" Gail

"I quite like this episode and agree that Meena and her father are maddening and wonderful all at the same time. Joe and Candy competing for a girl is always good for a laugh, and Ben and Hoss are in their usual roles of pacing up and down at home, torn between leaving their 'boy' to come home in his own time or to go hightailing off to find him." Lynne

"Nothing in this episode goes quite the way Joe thinks it will. Joe thinks he outwitted Candy as well as figured out how to follow Meena's wagon only to end up kidnapped and held for ransom. When he escapes, he thinks Meena is going to rescue him from the desert, only to see her drive right by him.  Meena and her father ask him questions that seem irrelevant and then confuse him with their comments when he tries to give them an honest answer. Joe is constantly off balance and trying to figure out how all this happened. In the end, though, Joe regains stride, capturing the bad guys and then escaping from a possible "shotgun" wedding with Meena. I love the scene where Hoss expresses concern over Joe and Candy not showing up, and starts adding one worrying possibility after another to his speculation until he ends figuring both men are injured and the horses have run away! At first, Pa is a bit concerned then realizes that Hoss' imagination is just running wild. He almost can't wait to hear what disaster Hoss will think up next!" Susan Grote

"There was one very cute by-play between Hoss and Ben...when the shopkeeper mentioned Meena, a good looking gal, Ben immediately understood why Joe was late in returning and all Hoss could do was shake his head pensively and mutter something about the fact that he didn't see no girl!" Lillian

"I like the part where Joe takes a drink from his canteen and watches how Candy rides away. I love that wide smile he has there." Karine