EPISODE: Ponderosa Birdman

Reviewed By Susan Grote

Episode 188, Season 6, Originally aired February 7, 1965

Guest Stars: Ed Wynn, Marilyn Mason

Written by: Blair Robertson

Directed by: Herbert Strack

SUMMARY:

While Adam, Hoss and Joe are cleaning the barn, Hoss tells his brothers about a dream he had in which he was an important man. Even though Adam and Joe scoff at his dream, Hoss goes on and on about it. Finally, Adam and Joe get tired of Hoss’ blathering on about his dream (not sure if they were irritated with Hoss’ bragging or just irked because they were doing all the work!) Adam gives Hoss a push, causing him to fall over Joe and into a stack of hay. When Ben enters the barn to see what the ruckus is all about, he’s immediately suspicious of Joe and Adam’s innocent looks. (Whenever Joe and Adam start pretending nothing is going on, Ben knows SOMETHING is going on). Feeling sympathy for Hoss about his brothers’ teasing him, Ben gives Hoss the task of riding out to check on some new neighbors who have moved into a cabin. When Joe hints around for some important chore to do, Ben tells him that his important chore is to finish cleaning the barn.

When Hoss arrives at the cabin, he is immediately set upon by a good-looking girl dressed in jeans, wearing glasses and with her hair piled up on her head. (This was an amazing attempt to make her look plain and pretty at the same time). She’s suspicious of Hoss, thinking he’s there to steal her uncle’s “secret plans.” Her uncle, however, takes a liking to Hoss and decides to share his “secret plans” with Hoss.

The uncle is Professor Phineas T. Klump, an eccentric inventor who is trying to design a pair of wings which will enable a man to fly. He and his niece Amanda have retreated to the cabin because everyone has been laughing at his ideas. (Wonder why?) Hoss is intrigued by the idea, and wants to help. Professor Klump welcomes Hoss’ help, but swears him to secrecy. Amanda decides if her uncle trusts and likes Hoss, that’s good enough for her.

Back at the ranch that night, Hoss hints around about what’s going on at the cabin by asking if the Cartwrights are related to an inventor with the same last name. Ben dismisses the connection but Hoss continues to make comments about the value of inventions (nothing like dropping a hint the size of an elephant!) Joe and Adam are more interested in hearing about the people at the cabin, especially the niece Hoss has mentioned. Hoss vaguely describes the pair as a professor and his niece who “looks sort of like a school marm”. When they hear that description of the girl, Joe and Adam immediately lose interest (apparently neither had been told that beauty is just skin deep). Just then, however, Amanda shows up at the ranch house, begging Hoss to come help her uncle. As Hoss rushes off with her, Joe and Adam stare in amazement, wondering how Hoss could have ever described the lovely Amanda as a “school marm”.

At the cabin, Hoss finds Professor Clump stuck high in a tree. The professor had been testing out the wings he built and got stuck. After Hoss rescues him, Professor Clump decides Hoss is the perfect “test pilot” for his wings. Reluctantly Hoss agrees to try to fly. (After seeing those flimsy wings with the feathers attached, I can’t imagine why Hoss would agree to this, but then he’s such a good natured guy and he likes inventions)

The next day, Hoss is trying to understand the principle’s of flight by attempting to fly a kite in the front yard of the Ponderosa. Joe watches with curiosity for a minute, then asks Hoss what he is doing. At first, Hoss evades the question but Joe keeps asking until Hoss agrees to tell him. But first, Hoss makes Joe promise not to laugh. Joe solemnly agrees.

However, when Hoss explains that he’s going to put on a pair of wings and try to fly, Joe bursts into gales of laughter. Joe cackles (as only Joe can), makes bird sounds, and calls Hoss a variety of birds. Hoss angrily threatens to dump Joe in the water trough unless Joe stops laughing. For a moment, Joe is quiet but he can’t help himself. He starts cackling and making bird sounds once again. Furious, Hoss picks up Joe and puts him in the water trough, threatening to dunk his brother unless Joe stops. But Joe can’t stop himself, and Hoss finally pushes Joe’s head under the water.

Ben arrives just in time to see Hoss dunking Joe and demands to know what is going on. Hoss hesitantly explains that Joe was making fun of him for trying to fly a kite, and that he was just trying to get Joe to take him seriously. Ben then points out that Joe would probably take Hoss seriously if he were doing something other than flying a kite. (Good point, Pa!) As Ben stalks off to the house, Joe starts making bird noise once again. Hoss angrily moves toward his younger brother, but Joe gives in to the inevitable and puts his head under the water himself.

In order to keep Joe from blabbing the secret about the wings, Hoss forces Joe to come with him to the cabin. At first, Joe is unenthusiastic about being at the cabin, but his interest is sparked when he sees Amanda. (Nothing like a pretty girl to get our Joe interested!) Amanda, on the other hand, has no time for Joe; she’s only interested in Hoss.

Professor Klump shows Hoss a pair of giant bird wings he developed, and the four of them – Hoss, Joe, Amanda and the Professor, go to the edge of the cliff for a trial run. The wings are tied to a sack of grain which is going to represent Hoss. They wait until the “devil wind” blows up the canyon to the top of the cliff and then the Professor throws the grain sack with the wings attached over the cliff. The grain sack immediately plunges to the floor of the canyon, landing with a splat. Hoss gets a sick look on his face as he peers down to the bottom of the cliff and sees the ruined wings and destroyed grain sack.

But Joe has now gotten into the spirit of the experiment, and encourages Hoss to try to fly. As he is sitting in the barn repairing the wings, Joe enthusiastically describes the many advantages of Hoss being able to fly – Hoss can deliver packages, take messages, and become world famous for his ability to fly. Hoss starts to agree with Joe, but then gets worried he will end up on the canyon floor like the sack of grain. Joe assures his brother than nothing will go wrong (especially since Hoss will be the one trying to fly and not him).

At the Ponderosa, Adam is looking for Hoss and finds some odd items in the barn – a bill for some ladies’ corset stays and Hoss’ last will and testament. Adam shows these items to Pa, and he and Pa immediately conclude that Hoss is being forced into a “shotgun wedding” (that’s kind of a leap of logic, but then this episode isn’t exactly designed to be logical). The pair rush off to rescue Hoss from this terrible fate.

Meanwhile, Professor Klump has now fitted Hoss with the giant bird wings and is ready to try the flying experiment once again. He has concluded that the failure of the last experiment was because the sack of grain didn’t get high enough into the air. He decides this time that Hoss will stand on the edge of the cliff on a ladder which is propped up against a rock.

Hoss is standing on the edge of the cliff, waiting for the devil wind to blow, when Adam and Ben ride into the canyon below. They think Hoss is getting ready to jump in order to avoid the “shotgun wedding” and yell for him to stop. As they ride hard to the top of the canyon, the wind begins to blow.

As Adam and Ben arrive at the top of the canyon, a huge burst of wind blows up from the bottom of the canyon. The wind is so strong that it blows everyone off their feet, blinding them with dust in the process. Joe falls against the ladder which in turn propels Hoss into the air.

When the wind finally dies down, everyone looks around and discovers Hoss is gone. With a look of dread on their faces, Adam, Ben and Joe peer over the edge of the cliff to the floor of the canyon. Hoss is sitting at the bottom of the canyon, his bird wings broken but apparently otherwise unhurt. The Cartwrights, Professor Klump and Amanda hurry down to Hoss.

When everyone finally arrives, Hoss ecstatically tells them that he flew. Joe popped him into the air when he fell on the ladder, he explains, and Hoss soared for a few feet before slowly descending. He wrecked the wings because he didn’t know how to land. Unfortunately, no one saw this great feat because of the dust.

Ben, Adam, and Joe don’t believe Hoss flew but can’t really explain how he managed to fall off the cliff into the canyon without being hurt. Professor Klump, on the other hand, is convinced Hoss flew and begins to calculate the “lift” needed in order to enable a man to fly. Amanda calls Hoss a hero and rewards him with a hug and kiss.

In the end, Professor Klump and Amanda leave to continue experiments on the professor’s flying project. Even though Ben, Adam and Joe remain skeptical, Hoss continues to insist he flew. He tells his family that one day man will fly far, perhaps even to the moon.

REVIEWS:

"IMHO this is one of the most under rated Bonanza comedies - one you never hear much about.  But, it has everything: - all four Cartwrights, physical comedy, Joe's great laugh, Ben's fatherly lectures, Hoss' kind heartedness and Adam's sarcasm." Bev

"My favorite part of the scene though, is after Joe resubmerges himself.  He lets go another short laugh that is audible through the water." Helen

"My other favorite scene is when Joe is repairing the wings and explaining to Hoss that it's important he learn to fly so they can make money. Joe describes Hoss flying around the country, carrying packages and even passengers, thus launching the world's first airline! Being the visionary that he is, Joe foresees "Air Hoss", the wave of the future!  Of course, Joe would be safely on the ground, booking passengers, and taking money (not to mention running security checks on their bags and insisting on body searches of all the pretty girls!)" Susan

"I like the way Pa & Adam put 2+ 2 together and get 5 ( Hoss' last will & testimony + the bill from the store = a shotgun wedding ) and they ride up to the Professor's cabin looking for Hoss." Ginny

"Great episode, CLASSIC Hoss/Joe humor!!  I love the "Hoss is a giant robin".  They were real brothers in that episode."   Faith

"I ROTFL everytime I've ever seen this episode! The way LJ teases Hoss! Reminds me of my sister and I. (Although neither one of us has ever dumped the other in the horse trough-we didn't have one or I'm sure we would have). When Pa comes up at the end, the looks on everybody's faces are priceless."  Judy

"This is one of my favorite episodes mainly because it features most of the family and shows a bit of each member's personality.  Actually, I was quite surprised that PAX showed the water trough scenes between Hoss and Joe because I had never seen them before!  It's always been edited out.  This was a great scene!  It showed Joe's brattiness (which is adorable - am I sick or what?) and Hoss' infinite patience with his mocking little brother.  Adam never looked better and never were his "looks" better!  Pa was his usual caring, slightly frustrated with these overgrown boys, self.  Great episode!!"  Gail

"My favorite part of this episode is Joe's eyes.  They never looked greener or more beautiful!  I tend to ignore every thing else." Jo

"Right off the first scene has me cackling.  Where Joe is asking for Hoss to do his part in helping clean the stalls, then Adam telling Joe that Hoss would never "stoop" so low and with his hand motions, you can see the flicker of an idea cross Joe's face, as he follows through and kneels down in the hay, just in time for Adam to push Hoss over Joe's knelt form behind Hoss' knees." Sherri

"Adam and LJ are very funny when they ask about the girl, love the way they both lose interest when Hoss likens her to a school marm and says she is smart (sexist pair). The scene in the barn is a classic, when Ben comes in, Adam steps back, as though it's nothing to do with him that Hoss is on the ground. The bit when Ben says he has faith in Joseph and LJ looks so proud, until he realizes that it's faith in his ability to clean out the stalls! is so sweet." Lynne

"I wonder what the story would have been if Adam had been the one involved as he loved science and technology... windmills...They did come from Boston. I could see this as an "Adam" story. Hey, maybe it would have been a windmill inspired helicopter. Adam shoving Hoss off the cliff while Joe cheers. I also liked the horse trough scene... more wet Joe. Ed Wynn was super. The spinsterish girl is great too. It always amazes me that eyeglasses can be such a disguise...sort of like Clark Kent. Take off the glasses and WOWza." Robin