EPISODE: Calamity over the Comstock

Reviewed by Pat West

1963, Episode #141, Season 5, Aired November 3,

Guest Stars: Stefanie Powers, Christopher Dark (Showdown at Tahoe, Rose for Lotta), Fifi D'Orbay, Bern Hoffman, Russ Bender, Big John Hamilton

Written by: Warren Douglas

Directed by: Charles Rondeau

SUMMARY:

This is one of those wonderful, comical episodes that involve the whole family. It contains some extremely colorful language from the Hoss' School of Public Speaking. Either due to the quality of my tapes or my British ears, I couldn't always decipher what was being said. We see the independent Joe, fearless Indian fighter, turn into the mischievous little brother, macho and fearful in turns. We see the concerned older brothers showing the lengths they will go to, to protect their little brother. And we see the stern, caring Pa, at his wit's end at the antics of his youngest son.

The scene opens with two freight wagons being driven by Walt and a scruffy youth with a rare command of vocabulary. Why it is always assumed that because a woman is grubby, dressed like a man, with her hair tucked into her hat, that she will be taken for a man is beyond me.

To continue, enter Joe pursued by Indians. He dives under the wagons for shelter, and they start firing at the war party. Walt suddenly rushes into the open and surprise, surprise, gets shot! Fearless Joe, rushes to his side, to be jumped by a warrior, and then, in a move we get to see in a later episode, manages to get the Indian to stab himself in the stomach.

Then comes the rationale for the episode in that Walt, with his dying breath, makes Joe promise to look after Cal.

Our wonder boy is no fool, and tells Cal that this is no place for a kid to be running around in alone, especially if that kid's a girl! She is furious and wants to know how he found out. Our lad's reply? "I took a wild guess". Joe then promises not to tell anybody.

When they finally reach town, Cal decides that she wants a drink; Joe suggests a shop that sells soda pop. But Cal wants a drink and heads for the saloon, much to Joe's consternation. He is now thoroughly amused and copies her swagger as she walks into the bar.

She orders whiskey, and the barman (one of the town regulars, Bern Hoffman) questions her age. Cal pulls a gun out and pushes it under his nose, telling him that she's old enough. She does give lots of reasons, but you work out exactly what she says. Given a shot glass, she indignantly grabs a beer glass, putting the emphasis on the fact that she wants a 'drink'. "This I gotta see," says Joe.

Joe, trying to get her out of the saloon, suggests that they go back to the Ponderosa and get some rest and -- wrinkling his nose -- take a bath. "You ain't exactly no violet either" is Cal's delightful response. As Cal tells Joe that she wants to stay with him for ever and ever, she slides down dead drunk and our hero picks her up in a fireman's lift and carries her out of the saloon.

Switch to cozy at home on the Ponderosa: Hoss getting Ben some more coffee, Adam reading a letter and slouching on the sofa as only Adam can slouch. At the sound of a horse, Ben remarks, "It's about time that young brother of yours got home." Hearing 'Buffalo Gal' sung in a raucous voice, Hoss remarks, "That's Joe? If that's our little brother, he must have slept in the swamp all the night."

Enter Little Joe with Cal, singing happily, again over his shoulder. Marching across the room and up the first set of stairs, he introduces Cal to the family. I do wonder at the effort involved in this; ML definitely sounds out of breath and is looking interestingly sweaty.

He is stopped by Ben calling out, and swings round, practically knocking Cal out on the stair posts. Joe tells them that Cal is just going to spend the night and they're going upstairs to get a bath. Ben is not amused: "Did you get the impression that little fella was drunk?" "Drunker than a fly in a corn squeeze," from Hoss, and a perfectly delivered "Well he does have a knack for making friends," from Adam.

A cleaned up Joe (and he does clean up nicely) finally gets downstairs. He tricks Hoss into taking up a clean towel to Cal, and Hoss discovers that "He ain't no he at all; he's a she. It's a gal!"

Snort of laughter from Joe and a rather leery look from Adam. We all look at Joe. "Joseph! Stand up! Stand up!" barks Ben at his beloved boy. Next comes one of the very few times that Joe lies to his Pa when he insists that he didn't know. I'm not sure what would have happened next as they are interrupted by Cal, wrapped in a rather unpleasant wool dressing gown, coming down the stairs and delightfully declaring, "That man's a peeping Tom", pointing straight at Hoss. When Ben finds out that this is none other than Calamity Jane, the mood changes to one of concern.

In town, we next see Joe and Cal in the dress shop where Cal is being fitted for a 'blue dress'!!!!

Who should ride into town but the Charnel House Dude, in a fancy waistcoat with a bad cough. It's Doc Holliday, looking for Cal. Unfortunately for Joe, Cal has decided that perhaps Joe is the man she could settle down with. She tells Doc this, and he declares he'll kill the man who tries to take Cal from him.

Initially Joe has no intention of taking Cal to the 'Fireman's Ball', but a threat from Doc that he would kill Joe one second after midnight if he did take her to the dance causes Joe to change his mind, and perversely that is exactly what he decides to do.

Cal can't understand why Joe would put himself in so much danger for her when, after quite a touching scene, she realizes that Joe doesn't love her. Joe tells her that there are a lot of things in this world that don't make sense but a man just goes ahead and does them anyway.

At the ball, Joe and Cal are dancing and Cal is holding an enormous fur muff on his back. He wants to know why she is carrying a polecat around, which is a little better than Cal's description of a 'coon skinned cat with the top shot out'. At least that's what I think she said.

When Doc arrives, Joe is noticeably nervous. Ben reprimands him for constantly dipping into the punch, and for not telling him what is going on. Ben tells Joe to ride for home; at his refusal, Ben turns to Adam, "Talk some sense into your brother." Adam helpfully replies, "You talk to him; he's your son."

Ben, Hoss and Adam all individually warn Doc of the consequences of harming Joe, but it is Cal who has the final word when it is revealed that her muff hides a Colt 45, and she is ready to blow the Doc clean in two if he harms Little Joe. As the clock strikes midnight, Joe calls the Doc out; he's told to count to three. The camera pans Ben, Adam, Hoss and Cal before Joe reaches three; suddenly, the Doc folds in a coughing fit, unable to continue.

Joe raises his eyes to heaven and makes for the punch. He's gloating now that 'he' made the Doc back down, and tells the Doc to pull himself together. Ben decides that it is time to get their boy home, and Hoss comes up to Joe, telling him goodnight and delivering a punch that knocks Joe back, straight into Adam's arms. They both carry him out.

Ben discovers Cal's secret, as she drops her muff. He tells her that a fella that can't hold his liquor ain't nothing but a boy. And then he thanks her for giving him back his boy. She thanks him for giving her the chance of knowing Joe.

A sad little ending as the Cartwrights with a slumped Joe ride out of town and Cal watches their exit, saying "So long Little Joe".

History: This is another "variation on the truth" episode.

Calamity Jane, otherwise Martha Jane Burke nee Cannary (Candy's sister?) was born in 1852 in Missouri, later moving to Dakota. She was noted for wearing men's clothes and nursing during a small pox epidemic in 1878. She joined up with Wild Bill Hickock before he was murdered; and finally married Clinton Burke in 1891. She died in 1903. She was known as Calamity because she threatened 'calamity' for any man who tried to court her.

Doc John Holliday was born in 1851 in Georgia. He set up as a dentist in Atlanta but his tuberculosis drove him West in 1873. It is unlikely that he ever met Calamity Jane, as his only woman was 'Big Nose' Kate. He finally died of his tuberculosis in 1887, despite having predicted that he would die by the gun or rope.

REVIEWS:

“A funny episode with touches of pathos. I did find it amazing that Joe was allowed to go through with the gunfight. This was not the cool collected Joe of The Code or Black Friday, but a very inexperienced young man, fumbling with his gun. Watch out for what I think was a blooper, when ML calls the barman Sam by his real name, Bern.” Pat

“There were so many "fun" parts to this episode.  But the entire Ball scene is the best.  "He's your son" was delivered with the dripping laconic terseness that only Adam could express.  How they all threaten Doc and finally the sucker's punch.” Lillian 

“One of my favorite episodes which I haven't had the pleasure of viewing for some time.  Got all of my favorite things, great comedy, all of the boys, action and adventure.  The ball scene is my favorite too.  ML is just so funny being all nervous and fidgety, watching the clock, trying to avoid Cal.  He pretends to be tough and Adam and Hoss save his from another possible crisis again.” Nancy

“I love the scene near the end when Joe is bragging about facing Doc down and Hoss knocks him out and he falls back into the arms of big brother, Adam. That was certainly a test of faith on ML's part, to just fall back like that.” Lynne (Little Joe forever)

 “There are some cute scenes in this one for sure and you covered them all. I just love the look on Hoss' face and the denial when Cal calls him a peeping tom. Dan was too perfect here! I was amazed at Joe's blatant lie to Pa here, too. I also love how green around the gills LJ looks at the ball knowing that he will soon be facing Doc, then his arrogance after Doc's coughing fit! His brothers handled that well though--knocking him out and getting him away from there before his mouth could get him in more trouble.” Leesa

“My absolute favorite scene is when Adam cold-cocks Joe and he falls right back into Hoss' arms. They both have such great looks of brotherly satisfaction that, again, brothers know best.” Judy

“When I was a kid, my wealthy aunt gave me a fur muff. She had three wild boys of her own and delighted in attempting to get her tom boy niece all frilly and ruffly. I much preferred the red leather cowboy boots she had given me a few years earlier. I kept my cap gun in that muff all winter much to her despair.  I can't imagine where I might have gotten that idea  : )”  Robin

“The description of the "muff" as being a polecat with its top shot off is an apt description.  I will always think of this episode (and Robin's tales of her youth about having a muff with her cap pistol) when I see these items at the local stores.” Miss Maggie 

“We get perfect characterizations of all four Cartwright personalities in the context of this comedic episode. The writer exaggerates the Cal and Doc Holliday characters to add to our amusement and yet pulls off the not-so-easy task of also making them quite believable. This combined with snappy dialogue and fabulous delivery by the entire cast make this one of the most entertaining episodes of the series for me. There's so much to like, but some of my favorite moments are the typical Joe "how did I get myself into this mess" looks at several points during the episode, not to mention Adam's droll comments throughout.” Sue W.

“I must say, I never really liked Cal. I could never see Joe falling for her and as you point out - he wasn't romantically interested in her. My favorite part is the bit at the dance. Love the way the family all threaten Doc.” Helen 

“I did like Powers in the role of Calamity Jane. I thought she really and truly fell in love with Joe, just like us other smart females. All the actors who portrayed the Cartwrights, and those that were the guest stars too, did an excellent job in this show. The looks, the actions, the unspoken dialog...this show had it all. I laughed, I cried, I even wished there was more!” Deb

“I really like the scene where Joe tries to convince Calamity to leave the Ponderosa, and she refuses to listen to him, then ends up distracting him with a big kiss. Joe starts out trying to be smooth and ends up totally confused by Calamity. And the scene where Ben, Adam and Hoss all tell Doc the terrible things he'll face if he shoots Joe is a classic example of them coming together to try to protect Joe.” Susan Grote

“From the pictures I've seen, the real 'Cal' didn't look too much like Stefanie Powers either, ;) but I thought Stefanie Powers did a great job with the role.” Sheryl