Karla May and Cricket Kay Kleehn walked dejectedly down the stairs that led from their rooms to

the barroom of the Bloody Bucket Saloon. "Another day, another dollar," Cricket Kay sighed.

"Don't you worry, darlin'," Karla May soothed. "I'll find you a way out of this place if it's the last

thing I ever do." As the older of the two sisters, by all of three minutes, she felt responsible for the

younger girl and wanted to protect her from the type of life she herself had known on the seedier

side of Virginia City and a dozen towns before that.

The two sisters looked nothing alike and were dressed differently, too. Cricket May, dressed in a

blue-spangled dress, was prettier, with blonde hair and sapphire eyes, while Karla May was

dressed all in red and had the features to match: red hair, garnet eyes and ruddy complexion. Even

her nose grew red as the evening advanced, for it was her business to encourage men to buy her

drinks, and gulping them down was the part of the job Karla May liked best. It helped her drown

her sorrows and forget for a few moments the awesome responsibility of caring for her baby sister.

After working the room for about an hour, Cricket May spotted a handsome young man in a green

jacket and moved toward him, for he had the look of a rich man. "Hi, there!" she said, batting her

long, dark eyelashes. "Buy a girl a drink?"

"Why, sure," the man said and motioned for the bartender.

Cricket May smiled her most beguiling smile, hoping that this might be the very man to wed her and

take her from this vile life of enticing men to drink. Suddenly, she saw Karla May beckoning

frantically to her and reluctantly obeyed the summons. "What's up?" Cricket Kay demanded when

she reached the table where Karla May sat finishing up the beer left by her last customer. "I had a

live one on the line."

"Oh, honey," Karla May whispered, drawing her sister into the chair beside her. "You don't want

that one! He's got a rep you wouldn't believe!"

"What kind of rep?" Cricket Kay asked. "And why would that matter to a girl like me, as long as

he's got the bucks I need to keep me in style?"

"I hear rumors about that one," Karla May confided. "They say a girl's lucky if she goes out with him

twice. They say every girl who ever does either dies——or worse."

"Oh, no," Cricket Kay gasped. "You don't mean——"

"That's right, little sister," Karla May confided. "They either die or ride off into the sunset, and what

good is that to a girl who wants to settle down? Besides, I hear tell the place that man lives in don't

even have indoor plumbing. For that matter, I've never even heard mention of an outhouse!"

"Oh, no!" Cricket May exclaimed. "Where do they go when they need to blow chunks like a big

dog?"

"Sweetie, I don't even want to contemplate it," Karla May declared with a shudder.

"Well, you're right, Karla May. I can't even consider a man who don't provide better for his wife

than that. Why, I'd have to give up reading the Territorial Enterprise! Ever since Dan DeerQuille

started up that new contest for bad stories, I've been blowing chunks after every issue."

"I know," Karla May sighed, for she'd been the one to clean up the chunks that missed the bucket.

"So you see why I say that green-jacketed one ain't the right man for you?"

"Oh, yes, sister dear! Thank you for saving me from a fate worse than death," Cricket May cried,

falling onto her sister's shoulder to sob out her sorrow.

"That's what older sisters are for, honey lamb," Karla May said soothingly. "Now, don't you worry;

I'll find the right man for you"——her eyes lit up as the swinging doors to the Bloody Bucket swung

open——"or maybe I'll find you two. Now, how's that for timing?" She pulled Cricket May from

her shoulder, which was getting quite soggy by this time, and directed her attention to the two men

at the bar. "There's the men you need to work your wiles on, little sister."

"Who are they?" Cricket Kay asked.

"The Griffith brothers, Gomer and Goober," Karla May replied.

"Shazam, but they're not much to look at," Cricket Kay said, her nose crinkling.

"Looks ain't everything in a workin' man, girl," Karla May scolded. "I hear Gomer sings real good,

and as for Goober——well, he doesn't——but they've got their own place and no one to share it

but their Aunt Bea and baby brother Dopie."

"Well, what kind of place is it?" Cricket Kay inquired.

"Just a few green acres," Karla May replied, "but you know how rare that is 'round these parts.

Those boys will be rich someday, you mark my words!"

"Just where are these green acres?" Cricket Kay demanded. "How far would I be from town? You

know, New York is where I'd rather be."

"Oh, just a comfortable drive," Karla May assured her. "We drove past there last summer with

Uncle Joe. You remember passing that junction where he was a-movin' kinda slow?"

"You mean Lingerie Landing, over Carson City way?" Cricket Kay asked, trying hard to remember

that trip. She'd been so young at the time.

"Well, yes, but if you aim to be respectable, Cricket Kay, you got to quit usin' such words, at least

where men can hear you," her sister advised. "Well, what do you think?"

"They got indoor plumbing?" Cricket Kay asked, thinking again of what had become a nightly ritual

after reading the latest entry in Dan DeerQuille's contest.

Karla May shrugged her shoulders. "Bein' farmers, I doubt it, but look at them, Cricket Kay. Do

they strike you as overly bright?"

"Well, not especially," Cricket Kay admitted, although she had a tender heart and hated to speak ill

of anyone.

"Then you see how easy it would be to twist them around your little finger," Karla May explained.

"Inside a month, you could have either one of them shipping off an order for a first-class water

closet, mark my words."

"Well, I'll give it a try," Cricket May decided, "but I don't want to tread on your territory, so just tell

me which one you're interested in."

"Me!" Karla May hooted. "Oh, no, baby sister. We can't have that!"

"Why not?" Cricket Kay moped. "I like the idea."

"Brothers marryin' sisters? Just think how that'll mess up the genealogical charts of your offspring for

generations to come, girl!" Karla May said with a shake and a shudder.

"Oh, silly me," Cricket Kay agreed, "but then you've always been one to think ahead. I just never

realized how far!" She frowned then. "Still, I won't feel right, gettin' hitched and leavin' you behind in

a place like this. We got to find a man for you, too, Karla May."

"Don't you worry, little sister," Karla May assured her. "I know just the kind of man I want. No

farmer for me, no siree. I don't have your urge to settle down in one place. I guess the life I've led

has given me itchy feet, so I aim to land me a travelin' man."

"You mean a peddler man? Eeww!" Cricket cringed.

"Mercy, no!" Karla May declared. "I mean a more excitin' type of travelin' man, maybe one who

works with explosives."

"You mean a thunder man?" Cricket cried, horrified. She hadn't been able to whistle "New Orleans

Woman" since that dark-haired man who blew up stumps with nitroglycerin had come through town

awhile back. The phobia had been part of her psyche ever since she learned that stumps weren't all

the man blew up; women who got in his way had a tendency to go all to pieces, too.

"No, not a thunder man," Karla May assured her baby sister. "I think that's carryin' excitement a

note too far. No, I want a man who goes about doin' good for folks with his knowledge of such

things."

Cricket Kay pondered for a moment, then her sapphire eyes brightened. "Like a rain man, maybe?

How'd that be, Karla May?"

"That'd be fine, Cricket Kay, just fine."

"Well, I'll keep on the lookout for one then," Cricket Kay promised. She stood and adjusted the

neckline of her blue-spangled dress a bit lower. "Guess it's time to see if I can interest those Griffith

boys in more than just a drink," she said.

"Good luck, little sister," Karla May said and began scouting the room for someone to buy her next

drink. She'd just about decided that she'd have to sidle up to that green-jacketed kid at a table in

the corner when, suddenly, a tall man in a dust-covered hat entered. She made her way over to him

and swished her red-spangled skirt up over her knee. "Howdy, stranger," she said invitingly.

"I'm not The Stranger," the man said. "I've never been known to torture man nor beast."

Karla May smiled. "That's good to hear. Buy a girl a drink, kindly one?"

"Why, I'd be right pleasured," the man said. He offered Karla May his arm and led her instinctively

back to her favorite table.

When he removed his hat, Karla May noticed his curly auburn locks and was even more drawn to

the man. A shiver of expectation ran up and down her spine. She just had a feeling about this man.

"What's your name, tall, light and rusty?" she asked, running short, stumpy fingers through his

dirt-encrusted hair.

"Name's Hunter, ma'am," he answered. "James Hunter, Sr."

"Oh," she sighed with disappointment. "You're a married man then."

"No, ma'am," he assured her.

"Oh," she sighed more deeply. "You fathered a child out of wedlock, did you?" She suffered a pang

of major disappointment when she realized he wasn't the responsible kind of man she was looking

for.

"No, ma'am," he said again, looking shocked. "No wife, no child."

"But your name," Karla May observed. "How can you be James Hunter, Sr., if there's not a junior

somewhere?"

"Just in my hopes and dreams, ma'am," James Hunter explained. "I'm a forward lookin' kind of

man."

The shivers once again started running up and down Karla May's spine. Maybe this was the man for

her after all! "What you do for a livin', mister?" she asked as she motioned the bartender to bring

them a bottle.

"Fact is, I'm a rain man," Hunter said. He looked carefully at the girl to be certain that information

hadn't dissolved the interest she'd obviously felt up to that point. Most women didn't want to link up

with a traveling man.

This girl's face, however, began to glow at him as if light were reflecting off a knight's shining armor

on his chest. "Why, that's wonderful, Mr. Hunter," she said.

"Call me James," he requested. Reaching for the bottle the bartender had just delivered, he poured a

drink for himself and one for Karla May. "I've always considered it a true calling, Miss——"

"Karla May," she told him.

"Oh, that's pretty," he said. "Like I was saying, Miss Karla May, I've always thought of rain-making

as a calling. I figure the good Lord gave me this knowledge so I could use it to help folks. It's not an

easy life, but I wouldn't have no other."

"Me, either," Karla May suggested with a provocative smile.

"Why, Miss Karla May, do I dare hope that a fine woman like you would consider matrimony with

a man like me?" James Hunter asked eagerly. "Like I said, it's not an easy life. I should warn you

that I've been run out of more than one town that wasn't grateful for my efforts."

"Me, too," Karla May confessed. Looking up, she saw no condemnation in the man's eyes. Laying

her hand on his, she made a vow that was as sacred to her as any she might say before a preacher.

"If you'll have me, James Hunter, I'll be a good wife to you, and I'll give you that junior you're hopin'

for. We'll call him Jamie, so as not to mix him up with you, and I promise that if anything happens to

you, I'll love him and look after him and defend him with my life, even when folks call him 'Monkey

Boy.'"

"You think that could happen?" Hunter asked, looking worried about his unborn boy's future.

"I hate to say it, James," Karla May sighed, "but lookin' at your face and mine, I think it's a real

possibility, the laws of heredity bein' what they are. I think we should be prepared."

"And what if something happens to both of us, Miss Karla May?" Hunter asked, for he had begun

to see that the saloon girl looked further into the future than he'd ever dared, even though he prided

himself on being a forward-looking man.

"We'll just raise him spunky enough that anyone would be proud to adopt him," Karla May declared

with a firm nod.

James Hunter bobbed his head up and down in thought. "That should work," he said.

Just then a hefty man came rushing in. He immediately darted to the table where the green-jacketed

fellow was sitting. "You gotta come home, Joe!" he cried. "The fate of the Ponderosa depends on

you!"

"What is it this time?" the young fellow, evidently called Joe, asked with disinterest.

"It's Adam," the big one sputtered. "He's——he's sproutin' hair."

Joe rolled his eyes. "Adam's always been hairy, Hoss."

Hoss shook his head vigorously. "No, it's worse. This time he's sproutin' hair all over his hands and

face. Looks like some kind of weird wolf, and I'm afeared he's goin' after the herd. You gotta

come, Joe!"

As the green-jacketed one sprang from his chair and followed the big one out, the two Kleehn girls

exchanged a grateful glance. How thankful they were that neither of them had married into that

peculiar family!

Karla May turned her attention back to the more pleasant prospect of marriage with James Hunter.

"There's just one thing, James," she said. "What are your feelings on the subject of indoor

plumbing?"

"Oh, I favor it, ma'am," he declared. "Why, where else is a man to go when he needs to blow

chunks like a big dog?" He broke off, blushing at having spoken so plainly before a lady. "I reckon I

shouldn't mention such things," he said, "but——well, have you been followin' that contest in the

Territorial Enterprise, Miss Karla May?"

"I surely have," she said with a knowing smile.

Suddenly, light dawned on the countenance of James Hunter. "Why, ma'am!" he cried. "Is it

possible you are THE Miss Karla May Kleehn who wrote that first entry?"

It was Karla May's turn to blush. "Well, yes," she admitted. "I hope you won't think ill of me, but

there was a big prize offered, and a girl in my position can always use money."

"Real understandable," James said.

"Of course, I don't know if I'll win," she said, hinting for his opinion.

"If other folks spew chunks as big as the ones I blew when I read it, ma'am, you've got an awesome

chance," the rain man predicted. "Fact is, that story is the reason I built a water closet into my

traveling wagon."

"You already have indoor plumbing?" Karla May asked, eyes shining with joy. "Then you're

definitely the man for me."

"Let's find us a preacher then," James said, "and make you Karla May Hunter before the clock

chimes another hour."

Karla May took his arm with only one backward look at her younger sister. Cricket May seemed

to be making out fine with the Griffith brothers, so the older twin turned her attention back to her

soon-to-be bridegroom. "Now, tell me, James, how do you keep water in your water closet,

travelin' like you do?"

"Ma'am," he replied patiently. "I am a rain man."

Arm in arm they walked through the swinging saloon doors and entered into the realm of wedded

bliss. Unfortunately, they did not live happily ever after. As they had accurately predicted, neither of

them lived to see their boy Jamie reach adulthood. They'd raised him spunky, though, just as they'd

planned, and he was adopted into a prominent family in the very area where they'd met and married.

Had James and Karla May Kleehn Hunter foreseen which family, however, they might both have

forced themselves to live a little longer.

The End