The Honor of the Green Jacket

The stage entered Virginia City late on that mid May afternoon. The streets were muddy with the spring rains and Little Joe Cartwright was trying his hardest to stay as clean as possible. His green jacket he sported of late meant the world to him and he had nightmares of trail dust, gunshot holes and pints of his own blood ruining the corduroy/suede (insert your choice here) material that made up the wonderful jacket. He looked to the stage as the door swung open and a woman stood looking down.

"Oh my," she exclaimed, "I’m just sick over the thought of getting my new shoes dirty." She batted her eyelashes and looked to the dark stranger starring at her.

Little Joe walked over to the stage and asked, "Well what do you want me to do about it?"

"Well where I’m from a gentleman would throw his coat down in the mud and escort a lady to a dryer place," she answered.

"Well ma’am, the way I see it I COULD do that and get my new green jacket all muddy and have to go home and explain to Pa why my new jacket is filthy, or you could just get out of that dad burn stage coach and risk dirtying those boats you so delicately call shoes."

She looked at the young man in shock, "Well I never!"

"Well ma’am maybe you should. It may knock you down a peg or two."

"And I suppose you would be the one to bring me down that peg?" The women was red with anger.

"No ma’am. It would need to be pretty dark for me to be able to peg you. My but you are the ugliest women I’ve ever seen."

"I BEG YOUR PARDON YOUNG MAN!" An older woman was popping her head out from behind the first women. "You take that back. That is my daughter you are talking about!"

"I apologize," Little Joe replied. "and I do take that back for I do believe your even uglier than she is."

"Let’s go Wilamina, we don’t need to stay here and be insulted by this very rude young man."

Wilamina stepped down off the stage and lost her balance in the mud. As she fell she grabbed for her mother who came toppling down on top of her. Both women were covered in mud and humiliated. The stage coach driver quickly hopped down from his perch and extended a helpful hand. He was listening to the giggles from the Cartwright kid and they were just too contagious. He was soon laughing hysterically at the situation along with Joe. After gathering his wits about him the stage driver asked where they would like their luggage brought to. The oldest women was helping the younger one up and claimed she wanted the luggage brought to the livery stable where she was planning on hiring someone to drive them to their destination.

"And were would that be ma’am? There aint no circus due in these parts for damn near two months. And they usually bring their own side attractions," The stage driver managed to say. This sent both he and Joe into hysterics yet again.

"Not that it is business of your but I am on my way to see my cousin, Mr. Benjamin Cartwright. Now if you could just point the way to the livery we will be on our way." The older one humphed and, pointing her noise into the air walked in the direction of the pointed finger. Joe’s laughter, however, had ceased, and the driver, upon hearing that the two ugliest women he had ever laid eyes on were relatives of the Cartwrights, was sent back into fits of high pitched giggles.

Chapter Two:

Joe was dead meat and he knew it. If Pa ever found out how disrespectful he had been then there would certainly be hell to pay. What if Pa was mad enough to take his new green jacket away?! Oh no, Joe couldn’t even think that. It was just too horrible.

As Joe slowly finished his business in town, which consisted of walking down the streets showing off "THE JACKET" and how good he looked in it, the two unglies were making their way to the ranch. It was hard to find someone to agree to take them but finally an old man, who was nearly blind, agreed to drive. He had no teeth and hadn’t a bath in months but beggers couldn’t be choosy in this hard land called The West.

Wilamina turned to her mother and commented on the beauty of the scape. "Look how the fog rolls over the mountains Ma. Just like back in San Francisco."

"It aint foggy out Wilamina. You got your eyes crossed again. You’re gonna go blinder than the driver if you don’t break yerself of that there habit!"

The driver had left the road a while back. He drove steadily to the right of the road, since he had no vision in his left eye and only very little left in the right, he tended to go towards the right. The rocks were hard on the shockes of the surry and the two occupants were being tossed around. Wilaminas hair fell down out of it’s pins and the hair piece she wore flew to the ground. Wilamina did not notice the hair loss and just shoved the rest of her curls back into the pins.

"Ma do ya think he’s gonna be handsome?"

"It don’t matter none girl. He’s got money and he’s family of sorts so that’s good enough fer me. Benjamin is my third cousin so that makes it perfectly legal for you to marry his oldest boy and there is just enough family blood in him to make in acceptable to our clan. After the wedding you and him can settle in that little cabin your grandma died in last winter."

"But ma, we didn’t find the old bat for neary a month. It stinks to high heaven in there."

"Don’t you worry none daughter. I left a winda open whiles we are gone to air it out some. You’ll hardly notice the stench. You’ll see."

Chapter 3

Little Joe was heading back to the ranch when he was veered off the road by a passing cart. He saw some hair lying next to the road and noticed it as Wilamina’s. "INJUNS" Joe thought with a start. They scalped that ugly girl. Joe reined up his horse to ride for help but the horse stumbled and sent Joe flying. He was knocked out cold. (AW now come on guys did you really think Joe would get out of this unhurt?)

At that instant a real live indian came out from the trees. He took one look at the kid in the dirt and smiled. The jacket he had coveted for so long would now be his. He would be one cool injun now. He was soon wearing the jacket which set of the color of his new loin cloth quite nicely. Maybe a few more hints of green in the beaded moccasins and …………oh well, he didn’t have time to be beading moccasins now anyway. He jumped on the waiting horse and galloped away. He only got about 1 mile when the overturned surry appeared. Two women and a blind an stood near by. They saw the savage approach them on the black and white pony. "Ma, I heard tell of what these here injuns do to young girls like myself."

"Don’t you worry nun girl. I’m bout as blind as can be but I know I can see enough. Even Indians have standards missy."

"See Wilamina. Nothing to worry about dear." The mother replied.

The Indian came to a screeching halt and looked at the party in front of him. "Me Indian. Me Cool Dude. Me get Cool Dude’s Green Jacket."

"Well mister Cool Dude. Can you help us out here?" The oldest women asked.

"Me injun. Should take you to camp to chief. But you too butt ugly even for slave. Let white man keep you. You from there (the indian points to the east) Is why all white men come here (the indian points to the west). The Indian then helped right the surry and get the uglies back on their way. But he still had the jacket! Wait till the squaw’s saw him now.

Mr. Cool Dude Indian arrived at his camp and the women went wild. The way he carried himself in that jacket was mystifying. He had always been somewhat of an outcast. An idiot was a better term if he were to be truthful to himself. But not now. Even with the wrong colored beads in his moccasins he was the best dressed one of the bunch. In the days that followed he found that he could hunt, fish and fight better than any Indian he knew. He was even rockin the teepee with the squaw’s. Yup. Even his wee pee turned into 8 inches of throbbing flesh.(Some of you will get this, others won’t, but I know you will Gina, Deer, Laura and Libby!).

He could now climb Eagles nest in a single bound. Pork a gypsy women? No sweat! An arrow was shot at him by an angered Indian daddy but, alas, no holes remained in "THE JACKET"! And he recovered from any inflicted wound within a 60 minute time period. He had an older brother who was very jealous of him and even tried to kill him. He said he was shooting at an elephant and accidently hit Little Injunjoe instead. But he recovered. He even awoke one morning to hundreds of rabbits running around his teepee. He had heard once that a rabbits foot was lucky. He sure was lucky now he guessed.

But something proved to be not so lucky of Little Injunjoe. He was sent to cross the big sandy sea. The white men called it a desert. It was 120 degrees in the desert and the Indian was sweaty. He saw a bridge up ahead of him, and hoping to find water flowing beneath it, headed straight for it. He arrived at the bridge and saw that there was NOTHING but sand beneath it. The bridge had a sign upon it the read "This bridge constructed by the Polish Army" He tried to make his way across the bridge but couldn’t make it past all the French fisherman. Many people would starve tonight.

No water and only his green jacket to keep him alive. (anyone named Libby, please do not read next section) Soon night would come and he would lay upon the beautiful rabbit fur blanket he made. He was such a fiend! Alas, before this could happen, he succumbed to the heat of the desert and died of heat exhaustion. He was not the true "COOL DUDE"!

Prologue:

Adam and Wilamina lived happily ever after in the sticky cabin amongst the clan. Joe spent the rest of his life in celibacy and went down 3 whole inches due to the loss of the GREEN JACKET!

And oh ya, the butt ugly mother and the blind man lived happily ever after.

THE END